Crunch

I have to admit feeling in a bit of a crunch.  How, exactly, did my life become this way?  While there have been some not-so-stellar choices in my past, they are just that - in the past.  Life is supposed to be lived in community, but I am beginning to believe that excludes immediate family.  Those relationships have too much history, too much FAMILIARITY, pre-conceived notions, and, perhaps, ill-judged levels of trust.  It is simply too easy for one to feel encroached upon, and trapped all the while to avoid conflict.  Add to that the transition from a "couple" to a "family" fears/concerns/feelings.  The entirety of our married life having been spent "just getting by", here we go adding another life to our roster.  We long for freedom, independence, breathing room, fewer life interruptions.  Living life paycheck to paycheck may be easier to accept if what we had was ours and we were free of these family obligations.  Perhaps I need to begin clarifying: these EXTERNAL family obligations and influences.  Internal obligations are easy to swallow as I certainly feel the need to fulfill the provider/leader role, which in itself is a rather daunting task.